Thursday, August 20, 2009

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

Think you haven't come very far? Sometimes all you need is a little time to reflect and some reminding from your nearest and dearest to set you straight. At times it seems like nothing changes, like you are still plagued by your old habits, worries, etc. But you are always unfolding. I once read a quote that said water changes the shape of rocks over time, with a constant, slow and steady flow; heavy rains do not have the same effect. Thought of this today as I was biking. Hope you enjoy!

I used  to be a woman who put cute little clothes on dogs.

I used to use Equal and Splenda like it was going outta style because I was afraid I would get didn't matter that those chemicals were probably slowly killing me!(P.S. I was still fat!)

I used to be addicted to Diet Coke. (Again, I was still fat!)

90% of my food used to come in a box that was frozen and had the words "Lean" or "Light" somewhere on the cover.  I couldn't name half the ingredients. (..and was still fat!)

I spent a good part of my childhood not being allowed to play freely because I had a weak leg. No running allowed.

I thought I had to drink lots of milk to get stronger, even though my stomach was always
turning because of it. 

I used to think of exercise as "no pain, no gain".

I used to think my nose was too big and wanted a nose job for my 16th birthday; I also thought my breasts were too big and wore baggy shirts.

I used to force myself to go out on Friday night, even if I was exhausted, because I was afraid I would "miss out" on something.

At one point, I worked 3 jobs to get from Point A to Point B.

I used to resent that I could cry so easily and love so deeply.

I used to look at pretty girls and think, "Wow..I will never be that put together." And I used to want to be one of them.

I used to set my sights on a guy and think, "please pick me."

I used to not know what to do with my own company and was afraid to live on my own.

I used to not ask for what I wanted and took what I was given.

I used to think that breathing deeply was only useful when you were really angry.

I cried when I turned 30.

Between the ages of 10-30, I was afraid to ride my bike for fear of falling.

I used to think that I had no athletic ability.

I used to spend a lot of time dating the wrong kind of men, then a lot of time grieving, and then a lot of timing being mad/disappointed/ sad.

I used to think that there was only one way to get to God.

I used to think that seeing a therapist was the only way to sort through my issues and let go.

I used to believe in the fairy tale and happily everafter. 

But now....

I am a woman who thinks dogs should not be decorated like dolls and should run free :-)

I get sweet on Stevia and Agave and would rather be chubby than poisoned.

I'm addicted to water with lemon and mint.

99% of my food comes from the Earth, 1% comes from the sea. I can name and identify every ingredient. I do not eat boxed food except for the occasional rice burger, quinoa, and brown rice pasta.  (And I have successfully kept 30 lbs. off my body for 3+ years now!)

My bones are strong...I run, jump, play.

I get calcium from Almond and Hemp Milk and lovely leafy greens.

I don't call it exercise. I call it a daily opportunity to move my body freely, and think pain is not gain. It should feel GOOD!

I never got a nose job (thank goodness), I think my nose is a perfect fit for my face, and think my large breasts are pretty damn fantastic...why hide them? People pay for these!

I only go out if I really want to and am content with yoga or a book on a Friday night if the mood strikes me. I'm not missing out on anything; the moment I am waiting for is happening right NOW!

I finally got from Point A to Point B and realized there were Points C-Z that I wanted to explore.

I love that I have a big heart and have the ability to love fully and deeply. I realize that many people lose that ability along the way. I see my tears as signposts that I have been deeply moved....fantastic!

I may never be a girl with perfectly manicured nails or be able to walk effortlessly in heels. I may never be a supermodel or have the perfect body, but I have my own beauty and I can carry on one hell of a conversation. And I'm not afraid to be silly...being perfectly put together is overrated.

I think the right guy and I will be lucky for picking each other.

I relish in my own company and living alone has been one of the most liberating experiences ever! I get to dance in my underwear, play my music loudly, and know who will be at my house when I get home. This practice will allow me to share my space in a better way later.

I am still learning to ask for what I want, but am doing it more and more..and sometimes I even get it!

I now know that breathing deeply is not only key for releasing anger, but staying in the present moment and is a gift..with each and every breath.

I would cry if I had to be 20 again. 

Today, I rode my bike for 16 miles!!

I use my athletic ability to run 5k's, walk, play, practice yoga, dance. I can say that I did a Marathon.

I let guys show me who they really are, not who I would like them to be. I know that spending time with someone who doesn't treat you well will only delay you from creating space for someone worthy. I believe that the mark of a good man is if he leaves you feeling inspired, seen, and smiling. A man who constantly drains me and disappoints me is soo not worth it.

I now believe that there are many paths to enlightenment and if you strip away religious rules, you will find that most people just want to get closer to love.  Anything that promotes hate or pain is not for me.

I believe that making it means that you are filling your life with experiences and people that make you happy and make you grow.  I would still like to get married and have kids one day, but that is not the endpoint anymore or my indicator that I have succeeded. Neither is a mortgage.

Although I learned a lot through therapy, the best therapy I have ever had has been on my sticky yoga mat. I never imagined this practice would have toned down my fears, insecurities, and doubts the same way it toned down my backside. 

I don't think there is one right way for the story to go or a prince who will come and save me. My life has not turned out how I thought it would or should and I wouldn't change it for the world!  I now know that life is full of happiness and pain and that will never change. You just have to learn to embrace all the moments and emotions and realize that there is no endpoint, just constant unfolding . I am loving the adventure, even when I get a little scared.

And I believe in love with all my heart.

( I would like to dedicate this to my beautiful friend, Marina Gonzalez, who last night brought me vegan ice cream and lots of love and took the time to remind me how far I have come.  Thanks for lifting my spirits and reminding me that some fear is normal and that sometimes letting go is difficult. I heart you forever!)


  1. Anita~

    Thank you for this thoughtful and authentic post. I can't wait to read more in the future :)

  2. Varenia... thank you for reading! It means a lot to me. Hope this fed your spirit in some way today. Lots of love!

  3. GORGEOUS Anita! You are such a beautiful writer and I know and love that all that came from your heart. :) You GO Girl and keep on going! Remember you're super sexy inside and out + an uber sweetheart. Lots of love always! Thanks for sharing. xxxxx

  4. Gosh, Dawn...I'm blushing. Thanks so much, sweetheart. I really do aim to write from the heart. Thank you for all the love and support as I continue to grow. Lots of love!

  5. This is beautiful -- thanks so much for sharing and inspiring!

  6. What a great honest post, you HAVE come a long way baby! It is always so nice to see your personal progression written down, how liberating!

  7. beautiful post, thank you for this one!

    just started following you & subscribed to your RSS feed :)